Why I Still Reach For Pride And Prejudice

I have read the novel Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen many times. The reason I loved it was that it was a relatively clean romance novel compared to what you might find on the shelves today in that genre. Additionally, I appreciated that marriage was regarded as a highly valued aspect of life. It was beautiful to see that Bingley and Darcy didn’t treat their relationship with the Bennetts casually at all. I just find that even though it was a different time, maybe where women didn't have rights the same way, I loved how intentional Darcy was in how he pursued Elizabeth Bennett. 

Sure, it wasn't all hearts and Butterflies with Darcy and Elizabeth, but it was wonderful that they had integrity and spoke honestly. Plus, it was authentic to constantly see Elizabeth challenging Darcy very early on. It was a good lesson to learn in life not to just judge people by a cover. I remember attending a summer camp a couple of years ago, and I happened to be carrying the book with me everywhere I traveled. At least that was the one book I brought besides my Bible. Anyway, one of those times I was hanging out with my roommate, and he asked, "Why are you reading a book from the 1800s?" I simply said, because it's a very interesting story about real love and responsibility. It's not like any of the romance books you read today, where the romance is like love at first sight. I guess Jane and Bingley kind of hit it off immediately, but the point is, Darcy and Elizabeth didn't have it easy. It took a lot more time to overcome a lot of misunderstandings.

Now, my roommate also knew I held a lot of traditional values. This eventually led us to talk about marriage and commitment. Obviously, he didn't agree with me, but the point was, is that I had my own views on love and marriage, which were a little different from the short-term, have-fun-dating mindset that we see today. I then went on to tell him that I had a very old-fashioned view on my life, which he believed I picked up from Jane Austen's novels. In fact, I remember he thought my views were so unrealistic to the point that he told me, " Life is not a Jane Austen novel." At the time that he said that, I just remember laughing it off and not thinking much of it. 

Then, as I grew older, my understanding of responsibility and marriage grew; I began to realize that the world very much is like a Jane Austen novel in a way. For example, Pride and Prejudice is a great manual for marrying well. In particular, men had to be able to provide, and on top of that, build a good relationship with the family. However, Mr. Darcy didn't really speak much with the Bennet family, and we also know Elizabeth's mother didn't think well of Darcy throughout the book. At least she thought he was a proud, disagreeable man. But we can see that the Gardiners seem to play a big part when it comes to evaluating Mr. Darcy's true character when Elizabeth and the Gardiners visit his home, Pemberly. 

During the time they spent at his home, we can see that Elizabeth is shocked by how Darcy treats her aunt and uncle, and sees a side of him she had never seen before. You see, Mr. Darcy wasn't the greatest when it came to big party gatherings and was also very socially awkward. But if you read the beginning of the book, he does insult her behind her back earlier, which she overheard, and would explain how she developed her opinion of him in the beginning. Otherwise, it was all based on the fact that he was very quiet and not socializing at the parties like Bingley may have, which got misunderstood as arrogant. I also think that in many ways, Darcy did go through a massive transformation after his first proposal to Elizabeth went wrong. In many ways, even though he was rejected, and instead of becoming a cold, angry man, he took it to heart and changed how he presented himself.

It's also amazing that Elizabeth got to see him unexpectedly at his home and see his true character shine. It also allowed her to finally look at herself and realize she was wrong about who he was. This is another reason not to make up who you think a person is too fast. It's better to observe them over time, then to fully judge them based on who they are at a party. It's also interesting to take into account that Darcy saved Elizabeth's sister and got Mr. Wickham to marry her, while also paying off all his debt he never paid off. I would say one of the things I admired the most is that Mr. Darcy never told the Bennet family what he did. He stayed compeletly quite about it, and Elizabeth only found out because her aunt wrote her a letter after she found out that he was at her sister's wedding.

I think this is when Elizabeth truly fell in love with him, because she found out he was one of the most generous rich men she had ever met at that time in her life. Sure, Mr. Darcy was wealthy, but he didn't want someone to accept his hand in marriage because of his money; he wanted to marry for love. Darcy also loved the fact that she was a very intelligent, independent thinker, and that she was very well educated and knew how to speak well. I think he loved the fact that she wasn't afraid to challenge him, but what I love most is that their mutual love was something that grew over the course of many months. They never rushed into anything; it was just a slow stream. 

You might be wondering now: how does this relate to real life? Well, many of us do, in fact, have pride, and sometimes it can in fact lead to putting up a wall towards others. Sometimes we aren't willing to accept that we are not perfect because we feel that would make us look weak. We also see that women, at times, do reject men of good character and realize they overlooked them, like Elizabeth Bennet. Not that it's a bad thing, but sometimes the less flashy men are the ones who end up being the ones he will extremely responsible husbands. Not that this is true of all men, but at least ones that work and know how to pay their own bills as well as provide support for their wife are genuinely great in marriage. Also, the men who can handle conflict well are big winners, because men like that know that their marriage is not all hearts and butterflies. A good husband will understand that he and his wife won't agree on everything, but at least be very good at resolving conflict instead of trying to constantly win an argument.

Anyway, if you're someone who is looking to get married one day, this is a good book to read, and I would highly recommend it. Sure, it may be dated, but a lot of how people were during that time hasn't really changed. For example, if you're a woman who doesn't want to work and would rather stay at home, it's important to marry someone who will take the responsibility of handling the finances. Or maybe you do enjoy working, but don't want to have to be the main person in charge of providing financially. It could be a job you love, but doesn't quite make enough for the family, but when combined with your husband could allow for a lot more stability in that area. Whatever it is, there isn't one way to marry; it's really just what you want at the end of the day.

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