Dating Versus Courtship

Have you ever woken up one day thinking, "I really want to go on a date," thinking that would be the most romantic experience of your life? Or maybe there is someone you're truly interested in and would like to take out. Whatever it may be, does it ever come to mind to think of the long-term possibility, or just to have fun? I've seen that these days, romantic relationships are treated so casually compared to the formal ways of the past. Most people these days don't seem to want to get married anymore, and there seems to be a big emphasis on telling young people that you're wasting your youth if you get married while you're in your 20s. We also see that most people don't want to carry the responsibility of being married and handling things like a home and food. Over the years, the cost of living has gone up, and because of that, we see fewer and fewer people wanting to have kids. They believe kids are a financial burden on their lives, and due to this, people seem to put their careers first over marriage and starting a family. On top of that, we deal with the fact that in order to be successful in life, we are told to go to college in order to pursue a career, only to find ourselves in debt for the rest of our lives.

Now, I'm not saying going to college is a bad thing; I believe there can be many benefits from it if you major in something good. Other than that, most young people, even in their 20s, aren't thinking about marriage. They will simply enter a relationship and just see where it goes. It seems to be the thing that most people do. The problem is that if you get into a relationship like that, and are just dating to see where it goes, or just to have fun, you're technically entering something that has no direction or goals. I can guarantee that the majority of people go on a date just to have fun. We also see that a lot of young people who end up having a directionless relationship last many years, often end in a hard breakup. You might think the longer you're dating, and stay with that girlfriend or boyfriend, you're going to get married at some point, until it has reached ten years and hasn't happened.

Anyway, it shouldn't take seven to ten years to figure out if someone is the right person to marry. The reason being, if you do all the talking and make sure you both are on the same page early on, you waste way less time just seeing where it goes. I'm not saying this because I think dating is bad; it's not. The problem is, it's not really what it used to be. In fact, most people don't want a relationship at all. They just want to hook up with people and think that's normal.

This is where the entire concept of courtship vs dating becomes so different, and you might think it's just the old-fashioned word for dating, which it's not. Some people think it means arranged marriage, for whatever reason. But the whole point of courtship is that you meet someone, and the man gets to know her family. In fact, it also meant that the young man would ask her father's blessing to pursue his daughter before moving things any further. As rigid as this may sound, there's a lot of respect that comes from this way of going about finding someone to marry rather than dating. I'm not saying that one is better than the other; they're just two ways of going about it. I do think it's important you have the family involved, because if you marry that person and have kids, it's good to build a good relationship with her family.

On a side note, it's important to also think about the fact that courting overall is much more intentional than the sort of dating we see today. For example, when you date, the man might say, "So, what are you up to this weekend? Are you free?" while in courting, the guy will be more direct because he doesn't want to test the waters or play any games. Most people these days in a dating culture might think it's too much to hear a more direct approach to everything, but I can certainly say it wastes less time. At the same time, courting might not be for everyone, but if you are looking to get married, this might be a nice way to go about it.

You could also date more intentionally, too, but at the end of the day, either one of these methods, if you're aiming to get married, ensures she will be treated with care and honesty. Don't try to win somebody just because you think they look hot. Ask the hard questions, talk about your values, and if those don't line up, it's much better to know it won't work earlier rather than getting into a relationship too fast and choosing to commit.

Also, for a woman with a more traditional perspective on marriage, it is important to marry a man who will give you financial stability. I'm not saying he needs to be rich and have everything together right away; he just needs to have some direction in life and goals, and needs to be consistently taking action to work towards them. It's understandable if you want to be a stay-at-home mother, but it’s important that you marry someone who would be a great provider and worker in the household.

But we also need to keep in mind that money can't buy love; it's just a shared asset you use in order to have a home and food. Plus, it's nice not to always be worrying about not having enough money, not to say you're not going to worry about it for the rest of your life, but my advice is to marry someone you can depend on. That's what matters the most. But make sure you, at the same time, marry someone for love, not just because they can secure you a home. At the end of the day, whether you're courting or dating, if you want something serious like to get married, be direct and upfront about that so you don't waste your or the other person's time.