The Benefits Of Being Single

Reclaiming Focus and Purpose Before Marriage

Singleness in this day and age has been treated as something negative among our youth. You might even wake up sometimes feeling like you have an empty void that needs to be filled. Then you begin to think it's because you're single, and think you need another person in your life to fill that empty space. Or for all the people who want to get married young, you might be in a rush to find someone as fast as possible because you think that having a husband or wife will complete you, and you think that's what you need in life to be happy. Unfortunately, that's not true, and that mindset is only going to set you up for a bad marriage along the road.

Most young people won't say this, but singleness is the best time to reflect and think about your goals and direction in life. You can begin to develop your values and ask yourself what you would want in a spouse. Maybe you're a Christian waiting on God's timing. In that case, use this time to grow your relationship with God, because you can't have a strong marriage unless you're already whole. In fact, as a Christian, it's much better to put things like casual dating aside and just focus on God and building your life. Also, as you grow as a person and develop your values, it narrows down the people who don't know what to do with their lives, which can help you avoid a lot of bad relationships. 

The Core Value of Singleness and Traditional Roles

Now, once you kind of have a good idea where your goals are in life, for men, it's important, as you're single, if you want to get married, to think about how you're going to provide for your wife. Why? Because that is what a leader does, and, most often, from a traditional standpoint, a woman of strong values is going to look for things like that in you. She is going to want a man who can offer her a home and stability. Now I don't mean you need to get rich, but it's important to think about how you're going to provide the financial stability as well as the emotional support. 

Another thing to think about is the possibility of children. Who knows, you might want a couple, which makes you think about things like how you and your spouse would raise them.  For example, maybe you want to homeschool them instead of sending them to public school, or you want to send them to the best private school you can find. Whatever it might be, these are great things to think about while you're single. 

Personal Boundaries and Navigating Relationship Conflict

You also should consider your boundaries, which a lot of young people don't seem to think about these things the same way. Not that it's wrong, but most people seem to be okay with pushing physical boundaries outside of marriage. If you're a Christian, you might be asking, " Is any form of physical intimacy outside of marriage a sin? These are the kinds of questions you've got to be asking yourself. You can begin to see the benefits of singleness as you begin to put a lot of this into perspective, but at the same time, it's okay to still have the desire to be with someone at the end of the day. The point is, when you allow yourself to think about this kind of stuff with a realistic mindset, it can help delete the perfect fantasy you may have had.

Anyway, it also helps to understand how you would handle conflict, which is one of the biggest deal breakers in casual dating among younger people. We all, when we're young, seem to have this idea that when we find the right person, everything will be perfect. Meaning, there are no arguments, no yelling, and no fights. In fact, usually by the time life gets hard for a young couple and the arguments start, guess what they do? They break up, why? because they don't know how to handle the conflict that comes with a relationship. It's like we all seem to forget that when we choose to commit to someone, they're also not perfect, but we like to picture them as if they were, making them a person that doesn't exist. 

Moving Past a Transaction Mindset to Real Sacrifice

Lastly, the most important thing anybody could ever learn is that love is about sacrifice, not about what you can get out of another person. So many of us today seem to ask ourselves what we can get out of a relationship instead of what we can give. A lot of it goes back to a transaction mindset. The thing is, a person is not a product that you try on like a shoe, and most certainly, they're not a trophy to be won. But you will see that a lot of us think we have to start living with someone to figure out if we want to spend the rest of our lives with them. I don't understand why anybody needs to figure out if they're compatible by living together. 

Unfortunately, we live in an age where dating apps are a big thing, and they have been used to turn us into commercial products. It's crazy how we now treat finding someone like shopping, and most of the time, these apps are just used to hook up with others. I'm not saying you can't find your future spouse on one of these, but they have had negative effects on people. In fact, it's gotten to the point where digital dating is nothing more than a casual game. It has nothing to do with love for our marriage whatsoever. But again, these are just things to think about, and you might have your own idea about what you would want, and that's okay. We're not all the same; there is no set of rules telling you how to go about this. What matters most is that you use this time while you're single to work on yourself. It is a wonderful gift that should be cherished because once you're married, there is a lot of responsibility that comes with it, and you won't get that time back. 

Entering Marriage Already Whole

Again, both singleness and marriage are blessings, but I think we could all look back and value being single a whole lot more. Not that one is better than the other, it's just that we forget the value because we think we have a void we need to fill. Being with someone is not going to do that, because your husband or wife can never be your savior. So when that case will already be whole, before you are married. Trust me, the best marriages are when both people are not trying to use each other to become complete. At the end of the day, it's really ultimately gonna be up to you to figure this out, and how you want to go about it. But once you find your place in life, you begin to have more of a purpose. And that's what matters most.